Emily and Jen: Empowerment

Emily & Jen: The Background

Julia Child had a pen pal who became her dear friend. In her day, correspondence was primarily composed of letters sent via postal service. In our modern times, pen pals take on a variety of forms. So, when Jen first visited fellow food lover Emily’s blog, a friendship based upon blog comments and, later, thoughtful emails, was established.

Over the past several months, Emily and Jen both have moved, left previous lives behind, and are currently in the process of forging a new existence. When Jen emailed Emily recently, suggesting a blog collaboration, Emily jumped right on board.

As partners in this blogging adventure, we hope to inspire ourselves to delve deeply into topics that are affecting our lives and share them in a creative way with our readers (in hopes of inspiring you all, as well).

Our First Collaborative Post: The Inspiration

When we began thinking about our first collaborative post, we quickly came upon the idea of empowerment and what it means to us. As individuals, we have different ideas and ways of feeling empowered yet, as women and like-minded friends, some of our ideas are the same.

As such, our first post explores our personal definitions of empowerment and how we each feel empowered in our daily lives. The lyrics below serve as inspiration for this post, as the idea of making a life saving vessel out of only one’s own scraps resonated heavily with us.

“Wandering Kind”
by: Laura Veirs

Clogging on her wooden board
The tattooed girl took up her swords
And plunged them down deep into the earth
A twinkling tide filled up her eyes
And poured out to the lawn
Made a raft of the scraps from her skirt
And sailed ’til dawn

Read Emily’s Post on Empowerment

Jen’s Post:
Is it just me or does empowerment feel like a dirty word at times? It implies selfishness, brute feminism, or perhaps a slew of forgettable self-help books. The truth is, empowerment is a bit of a dirty word as it often entails digging deep down in the dirt and muck to find out what one is really made of. For, you cannot feel empowered if you haven’t scoured the deep, dark crevices of your own self. Empowerment isn’t frivolous nor is it made of the tiny particles seemingly resting upon your sleeve. Empowerment is finding confidence and determination with what resides within.

I cannot continue writing without baring my soul a bit. So, to be frank, the last two months have resulted in me down on my knees, more than once. The surface level things – a move, a new city, unemployment, adjusting to my husband’s new career, having no local support network – are all valid however; they do not describe the intensity of the past two months. To preface what am I am about to say, let me first reveal that, on some level, I knew this was coming and I willingly took the shovel and flashlight out of the shed in order to facilitate the excavation.

In mid-January I took a private yoga class. The following day I ordered a book, a mat, mat towel, block, and strap. In simpler terms, I ordered a beginner’s excavation set. I began yoga not as a way to be fit but as a holistic means of progressing on my own life journey. I began reading my book, Journey Into Power by Baron Baptiste, and working through the asanas (poses) described. Within two weeks, I began attending class. First, a class in which breath is of utmost importance and asanas are held for extended periods of time at the beginning of the week. Then, a mid-week class that incorporated meditation into this regimen. The classes were in addition to a one hour practice five to six days a week. I was (am) not fooling around.

About three weeks into my practice, I found my breath. All of a sudden I was breathing from a place deep within. As I made my way through practice, I felt as though a furnace had been ignited in the darkest depths of my being. I felt powerful in a way I was unfamiliar with. I felt awakened. But, the awakening was not all rainbows and moonbeams.

Fast forward a bit to a Sunday evening when, for the first time in a very long time, I had a minor anxiety attack. The remarkable occurrence during this experience was that I was able to disconnect through the experience and see my anxiety for what it was. In fact, I was able to readily admit the anxiety I felt and speak honestly about what brought me here. I wish I could say that this was the end of my transformation but it was not. The following week resulted in sobbing almost every day coupled with intense feelings of vulnerability and insecurity. Oh, my shovel was digging deep indeed.

I felt anything but empowered for a few weeks yet I knew this was my journey to be upon. Rather than abandoning my daily yoga practice, I made my way to the mat, willing to experience what the hour may bring. I have now moved into a new series in my yoga practice and I feel like mush each day at the end of my hour. In fact, I came back to child’s pose on more than one occasion yesterday during practice, something I have not done before. The significance of this for me, is that I was able to acknowledge that I needed to find my breath again before I moved forward. It was not about pressing on or using brute force to achieve my goals but rather having the confidence to find what I needed within to move forward.

Last week, when carrying several heavy items up the stairs in our home, instead of rushing up the stairs, I maintained a steady breath and deliberately ascended the stairs. When I arrived at the top, I felt calm and steady, rather than as if I could collapse. On more than one occasion this past week, I reacted calmly to things that normally would cause a marked increase in heart rate, as I reminded myself that I was capable of handling the situation. And, as I have rediscovered ballet after fifteen years, I am able to use the strength in my core and well-developed breathing to dance much like I did years ago. I find that the willingness to accept myself as I am whilst pushing myself to find my true potential, on the mat, is beginning to take place during my normal daily existence as well.

More often than not, when we take up our swords and plunge them deep into the earth, it happens over a period of time as opposed to instantaneously. And the crafting of a raft made of skirt scraps is an incredibly introspective process. What is remarkable about the process is that, one day you look up and you are sailing. You do not necessarily remember piecing the scraps together.

It just so happens that I have found a means of acceptance, strength, and respect for myself through yoga. Had I embarked upon this journey one, or two, years ago, I may not have experienced the same results. I remember when I attended that first private lesson my instructor asked me what brought me to her. I said, “I want a holistic experience. I want to continue on the physical, mental, and spiritual path I am on. I feel like this is the right time.” Her response? “Yes, I think you are ready.”

Feeling empowered is knowing that your pieces acknowledge all parts of yourself. That every scrap represents a part of you and that it takes each piece to make a raft. I spent a lot of time thinking that some of my scraps were shameful and not worthy of being a part of my raft. Through my recent journey, I am discovering that although there may be some pieces that I will allow the tides to wear down over time, as they will no longer be needed, every last one of my scraps is integral to the functioning of my raft. While others may not need them, they are mine and they are worthy. I have a well constructed raft.

And, as Bob said in What About Bob?, “I’m sailing! I’m a sailor! I sail! On a boat, on the lake. Very far away from the dock. Into the wind, with the sky and everything!”

I feel just like that at times. I, am sailing.

I am curious to know what makes each of you, dear readers, feel empowered. Or, in what areas of your life would you like to feel more empowered? Each of us has a story to tell and I am all ears (and eyes), ready to hear yours.

Note: A very special thank you to Em, a dear friend. Your support, kindness, and sense of humor are invaluable. I look forward to many more collaborations with you. And, happy running, o’ empowered one!

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